Have you ever had a family council? My husband and I had informal ones about once a week. Usually I would bring up all the things I wanted to do that week, and he would tell me his schedule. We pretty much just had a calendar meeting, nothing meaningful. This week we shook things up, we decided not only would we go over our schedules, but we would talk about our problems.
That can be scary for a lot of people, believe me, I know. Going into something so riddled with emotion, we laid out ground rules before we started.
1. We would start with affirmations of love.
That might seem silly to you, but reminding the other one why we loved them, pointing out something nice they had done, or a good quality we admired. Reminded us later to be kind.
2. We opened with a pray.
God is a part of our marriage, so it only makes sense to invite the spirit to help us as we council.
3. We had previously written down what we wanted to talk about, and we took turns reading the others problem. Then from our perspective we would tell them what we thought.
4. The other person would then add on to what we had said, no interrupting anyone. Having the rule that they could not correct was helpful. Everyone just stated things how they saw it.
5. After we had both stated what we thought, we took turns thinking of ways we could solve the issue. Nothing was dumb! We wrote down every idea.
6. We discussed in till we agreed. There was a no compromise option. If we did not have enough knowledge to solve the problem, we decided what needed to be done, who was going to do it, and then when we would talk about it next.
7. Once we agreed on how the problem should be solved, we took care of it together.
8. We finished with a snack. This seemed a little silly at first but just like reminding each other how much we loved each other this was a necessary step. Everyone likes to be rewarded for a job well done! Honestly we really did just talk about how awesome we were.
This is something we plan on doing weekly, We actually need to make sure we have more time set aside. Once you solve one problem, then another, it becomes addictive. We ended up bringing up other issues and solving those as well.
That can be scary for a lot of people, believe me, I know. Going into something so riddled with emotion, we laid out ground rules before we started.
1. We would start with affirmations of love.
That might seem silly to you, but reminding the other one why we loved them, pointing out something nice they had done, or a good quality we admired. Reminded us later to be kind.
2. We opened with a pray.
God is a part of our marriage, so it only makes sense to invite the spirit to help us as we council.
3. We had previously written down what we wanted to talk about, and we took turns reading the others problem. Then from our perspective we would tell them what we thought.
4. The other person would then add on to what we had said, no interrupting anyone. Having the rule that they could not correct was helpful. Everyone just stated things how they saw it.
5. After we had both stated what we thought, we took turns thinking of ways we could solve the issue. Nothing was dumb! We wrote down every idea.
6. We discussed in till we agreed. There was a no compromise option. If we did not have enough knowledge to solve the problem, we decided what needed to be done, who was going to do it, and then when we would talk about it next.
7. Once we agreed on how the problem should be solved, we took care of it together.
8. We finished with a snack. This seemed a little silly at first but just like reminding each other how much we loved each other this was a necessary step. Everyone likes to be rewarded for a job well done! Honestly we really did just talk about how awesome we were.
This is something we plan on doing weekly, We actually need to make sure we have more time set aside. Once you solve one problem, then another, it becomes addictive. We ended up bringing up other issues and solving those as well.